The Story of Repentance of Fudhail bin Iyadh, The Evocator of Love

 

The Story of Repentance of Fudhail bin Iyadh, The Evocator of Love

Fudhail bin Iyadh is one of the great Sufis in the history of Sufism. Before becoming a Sufi, it is said that he had a dark past history. Some writers doubt the truth of Fudhail's story, but most historians believe it.
Regardless of the debate over the authenticity of Fudhail bin Iyadh's past story, there is a message behind the story of Fudhail that is very important to be a reflection for us in looking at other people who we consider to be "evildoers". Because, it could be a person who is evil that we make ugly and we spread his badness is precisely among the people who will later repent to God. While those of us who feel good, as a result of insulting people we consider to be sinners, are actually recorded as proud people who end their lives with su'ul khatimah , na'udzu bilLah min dzaalik. Isn't disobedience that inherits a sense of contempt and inferiority before God better than obedience that inherits a sense of arrogance and pride? Here is the story of Fudhail bin Iyad's repentance:
The forest located between Abyurd and Marwa at that time was known as the most terrifying forest for travelers and traders who wanted to pass through. Almost every moment Fudhail bin Iyad did his robberies in the forest. Until the travelers and merchants told each other to go through another road. Because Fudhail did not hesitate to confiscate the property of travelers and merchants to use for pleasure. Fudhail's action continued until he met a girl. In the middle of that dark life, he fell in love with a girl he found. The preoccupation with thinking about the girl he adored eventually made Fudhail little by little forget his act of robbery.
One night, when the feeling of love took over his heart and the longing could no longer be contained, he made a plan to meet the girl he adored. In the last half of the night, when people were deep in their dreams except for the pious who spent the night praying to their Lord, Fudhail set out for his lover's house. When he saw the girl's house, he imagined that he was in front of the most beautiful dress of his lover who was still waiting to welcome him. In the middle of such feelings, Fudhail immediately looked for a way to enter the girl's house. Then he decided to climb over the wall of the house. But before jumping in, he tried to listen to any voices he might hear so he was sure to find the girl at the right moment.
At such moments, Fudhail heard the voice of a pious man reciting verses from the Qur'an:
"Has not the time come for those who believe, to submit their hearts to the remembrance of Allah and to the truth that has been revealed (to them), and not be like those to whom the Book was revealed before, then a long time passed on they then their hearts become hard. And many of them are wicked." (QS. Al-Hadid: 16)
At that moment, the feeling of love that grew in Fudhail softened his heart and freed him from the stupidity of his lust. Therefore, when God's words full of love and admonition were heard in his ears and accompanied by the piety of the reader whose reading could touch the hearts of his listeners, then Fudhail was helpless until he fell down and cried regretting how much he had gone out of his nature as the servant of God who loves and cares while speaking with a voice that can break the silence of the night: "now the time has come oh my god".
That night, there was peace between a servant and his Lord. That night there was the burial of a criminal and robber named Fudhail bin Iyad and a new Fudhail was born who later became one of the great Sufis.
After this incident, Fudhail went to spend the night at an inn and then returned to his place of residence. At this inn, he overheard a group discussing their plans to leave at night and which way to go. They said, “The nearest road is Fudhail. We are worried that he will rob us of our treasures.'' One of them said,''We'd better wait until morning. Because the road is not safe from Fudhail''.
Hearing the words of this group, Fudhail cried while saying to himself, "O evil self, woe to you from God's punishment! You have made Muslims afraid. These are their tongues testifying to your evil." Then Fudhail met the group, "God has cleared the way from Fudhail. He has repented among you. I hope you don't meet me unless you are seeking refuge in Allah in Baityl Haram''.
After that, he went to Baitul Haram (Mecca) saying to himself, "I walk at night for immorality and the Muslims here are afraid of me. As if I was not sent except to stop them. O Allah, I truly repent to you and I make my repentance side by side with Baitul Haram.''
Even though Fudhail has returned to the path of his Lord, he has not forgotten his dark past. Because of this, the closer and exalted Fudhail is to Allah, the more fear and distress he feels because he remembers his past, especially when he hears Allah's name or verses from the Qur'an. Ibrahim bin al-Asy'asy said:
ما رأيت أحدا كان الله أعظم في صدره من الفضيل بن عياض. كان إذ ذكر الله عنده أو سمع القرآن ظهر به من الخوف والحزن وفاضت عيناه وبكى حتى يرحمه من بحضرته وكان دائم الحزن شديد الفكر.
"I don't see anyone whom God exalts more in his heart than Fudhail bin Iyad. When the name of Allah is mentioned or he hears the Qur'an, he feels fear and distress and his eyes flow with tears until the person in front of him feels very sorry. He always looks difficult and thinks hard''.
Fudhail's troubles often also affect his friends and students. Even though they are actually worshipers, wara', ascetics and among those who enlighten to Allah, but they feel they are more worthy of suffering than Fudhail. Abdullah bin Mubarak said:
"If I see Fudhail bin Iyad then he renews my sorrow (against my sins). Until I hate myself (for my sins)".